Bitch Eclipse

Feb. 8/96

So here I am and god I am ticked at myself. Jack came and sat with me on my spare, and well, you know how I get nervous or self-concious or I don't know what to say, so I play with my hair? Well, I was talking with him, I kept playing with my hair, and I told him why I did that when he asked me. God I feel RETARDED. Debs and Pamala say he likes me but I don't know if I believe that, especially if he realises what a dork I am. I can can be dorky--especially around guys I like. Yes, I can be dorky, and generally am.

It gets even worse--I was talking to him in Geo and Emily Goldman shoves her fat head in the picture and totally eclipses me. Literally. With her fat heat, she just bowled me out of the way and said phony and friendly, "Hi! I'm Emily Goldman" and gave me a dirty look. "I don't think we've been properly introduced."

Who the hell talks like that? What is this, a debutante ball? Well, excuse me, but I don't think I like being shoved out by some ditz and her fat head, so I don't think I'll move aside just yet. Bitch.

But what if I'm being too presumptuous? What if he's just being friendly? Really. He's new to the school, and doesn't know many people, so.... ahh! I don't know anything!

Lucky in haircut, lucky in love?

Boy, it's been a while.

Friday EVERYBODY got together at Debs' to watch Clueless. Then, Saturday, Debs and I went to watch Grease and 's. Sunday I got a trim, and boy, it must have been a lucky haircut, becuase I had a great day today!

I got to school early. We had a late start so that made it worse. Debs, Pamala and I wrote a letter to Ben and bascially goofed off. In Human Geo, Jack complimented me on something I said; in the halls, his buddy called me 'cutie', and as usual, Jay hugged me. Sweet! I fixed my school schedule, and the Valentine's dance is on Friday. Debs and Pamala are ocming over to get ready with me. That will be cool (huh-huh, huh, huh-huh, cool).

Dating is complicated!

Got my marks back! 82 in English, 81 (being reevaluated) in French, Math and Chem unspeakable.

Classes are okay. Debs and I are working out on our morning spare.

I went to see Beavis and Butthead on Saturday, with Simon (I don't know what to call him anymore.) We made out the entire time. Lots of kissing! Afterward, we made out. On the subway home, we made out. So, we're seeing each other.

Okay, so, when I'm with him, I don't have any doubts, but when when I'm not with him.... like, when I'm with Ben.... I feel unsure. I must admit, I am attracted to Ben. I don't know why, but some days, I feel like I want to jump him, and others, I'm not so sure. Maybe I should try it out and see.